Rexie & the GPS...a retrospective...

**Okay, this is an old post from my old site. Yeah, I'm into recycling. My life is busy, busy this week, so I thought this would be a good time to revisit some fun posts...probably reach another whole audience! :) Read on and know that I love humor and my sense of it is a little, ummm, diverse...**

Hi, everyone! Well, um, I have been busy. I have been reading some very good books. I have been calculating pi to the utmost digit. I have been eating pie with all of my digits. I have been doing anything and everything I possibly can, except updating my blog.

*sigh*

SO! Now that the excuses are out of the way, shall we get on to gettin’ on? To the POST!!

I have a wonderfully large vehicle that drivers of small cars despise. I understand their feelings, though, because on the days I cannot wheedle–er, convince–my husband into leaving the hunk-a-gleamin’ metal with me, then I have to drive the “sensible” car. The Toyota. The economy car. The car that you climb out of instead of step down from. And also the car that is a planet unto itself…BECAUSE YOU CANNOT SEE AROUND ALL OF THE FREAKISHLY LARGE VEHICLES THAT SURROUND YOU! Sorry…venting for those of us saddled with the wise-choice car for the day.

Anyway, when I drive my Suburban, I have control of it all…the entertainment (unless the kids want to watch a movie), the music (unless my daughter is in the car), the temperature (unless…well, you get the idea). I do get to run the GPS, though. It is my baby and I would be lost without it…literally. It was the best Christmas gift my hubby could ever give me! I am so directionally challenged…seriously, I have gotten lost leaving a parking garage. I ended up in a part of town, explaining things to my kids I never thought I would have to talk about until they were well into their 40’s. So, it’s a survival thing for me. Don’t get all in a tizzy if you’re behind me in a parking garage, though. It takes a while for the satellites to be located, so I know which way to turn.

On long trips, my husband usually drives. He says it has something to do with my wakefulness. I don’t understand it, really. The driver’s seat is just so *comfy* on those long, monotonous trips. I also happen to enjoy having icy-air conditioning blow on me full-force while the radio is on VERY loud. All of that swerving and head-bobbing makes the trip interesting. He should learn to sleep amidst distractions. Really. I am doing him a favor!

Where was I? Oh, yes. So, my husband drives, but I still use the GPS to find the gas stations (bathrooms), restaurants (bathrooms), and rest areas/parks (bathrooms). The only problem is, that despite my 5′8″ frame, I cannot for the LIFE of me reach the GPS mounted with the cute suction cup to the windshield. I try! Over and over I try. I reach with my left arm as far as I can and stretch against the shoulder harness…but it holds me back. Again, I reach…then sit back…reach…back…reach…back…THROW MYSELF FORWARD (trying to fake out the seatbelt…seatbelts are NEVER really prepared for the sudden force against them…it’s a design flaw, I think)…then vault to the seat back. Over and over and over again…lurching back and forth–bungeeing from the seatbelt to the seatback, if you will–with my arm outstreached, never *quite* reaching the GPS. No, I never *ask* for the GPS until this ritual was accomplished. Why should I? I will win someday…I will overcome! Of course, my husband always turns to me and asks, “Need help, Rexie?” Yeah, like a T-Rex…arms too short. Oh, but that’s not enough! nooooo He has to pull his elbow to his side and act like he is extending his arm. like a T-Rex! Then the entire Suburban (it holds roughly 42.3 people…roughly) erupts in raucous laughter while my new nickname is volleyed from passenger to passenger. I am so pleased I can provide wholesome entertainment for my family and friends. It is my purpose.

You know those cute pet names families have for one another that stays within the family? Like Schnookums or WiddleBear or PiddlyPants? Rexie is not. uh, no. I found that out rather suddenly when I was playing Sequence and I couldn’t quite reach the board…and a family “friend” pulled his elbow to his side and said, “I can’t quite REACH it…can you, Rexie?” Again, guffaws galore.

I will reach that GPS, someday. It is my goal.